Saturday, November 29, 2008

Last Night's Three Ring Circus, Involving Hospitals and Electrocutions

Now that she sees that post title, she thinks that sort of says it all.

But for those who need details . . . .

At 6ish, the Matron was driving Scarlett to The Sound of Music in Hudson when she got this call from home:

John: "Mary? I think Stryker has been slightly electrocuted. Should I take him to the ER?"

Matron: "Slightly electrocuted? What do you mean SLIGHTLY electrocuted? There is no such thing as slightly electrocuted!! Is he breathing?"

Stryker took the phone: "Mom? Something is wrong with me. I have a burn mark where the current went into me, my left shoulder really hurts and I can't move the fingers on my right hand. What should I do?"

The fact that the Matron was the only person not at the scene of what appeared to be a bona fide emergency, but seemed to be making the decisions regarding that emergency nonetheless, was not lost on her. Still. She sent those men to the ER (thanking God-Buddha-Oprah-Allah she was not the one making that trip again). Merrick's best friend and future husband was summoned and Merrick headed off for a sleepover so that the guys could bond at the ER, unfettered.

Turns out that Stryker had been in at a friend's house when he touched several electronic items simultaneously. He was wearing headphones and had on his gangly person one iPod and one cell phone. So loaded, with one hand firmly gripping the metal strings of an electric guitar, he picked up an iPod that had a little piece of metal sticking out of it--making contact by gripping firmly on the metal.

The boys guess the current blazed through her son for about 15 seconds. Guess, as in retrospect, because while Stryker was "screaming at the top of his lungs," the boys stared at him, wondering why their friend was suddenly hysterical. For his part, Stryker reports feeling disembodied, watching himself from the outside looking in, zapped, screaming, and immobile. Because he could not move his hand to shake off the iPod, he finally twisted and jerked and spun his torso, flinging away the offending item.

So the Matron and Scarlett get the scoop about Stryker's paralyzed digits and throbbing limbs, just as Scarlett is getting dropped off at The Sound of Music. To say this child was hysterical is an understatment. She crawled from the car (again) to the front door of the Phipps, screaming about her brother.

The Matron was, frankly, not quite so concerned. Sure, the child had been thoroughly electrified, but aren't the best burgers charcoaled and blackened? Plus, being on your feet an hour later, reporting, seemed like a good sign.

So she didn't rush back because she had purchased a ticket to SEE that show for the second time. Unlike a some parents (ahem) she will not be seeing her daughter prance about for 8 of 12 performances. Two feels just about right.

While Stryker was being all cooed over and EKGed, the Matron enjoyed another 2.5 hours of various sounds of music. But! This last weekend? After a full week off? The von Trapp children made all kinds of mistakes. All of them. Including, for the first time in 2 1/2 years onstage, her daughter.

Little Marta decided to ask to stay and taste her first chamagne instead of taking leave as the seven year old was supposed to.

After LOUDLY and confidently singing the wrong line, Scarlett's face flashed one split second of confusion and then? That von Trapp smile immediately plastered itself onto her winning face and she rode out the show, perfect. Gretl similarly flubbed, as did Liesl and Brigitte.

Lines were dropped, cues missed. Maria? Lost her voice! The woman who played Maria croaked this to the Matron after the show: "I feel terrible! I've had a cold for 5 weeks but this is the first time the show just wasn't the same."

The best part was that the Matron learned all this after the show. Yes, she noticed the big trips, but the rest were all self-reported by the actors. The audience sucked up every second and gave the cast a standing ovation. Heartfelt!

Also, during intermission, the Matron found John leaving the ER and learned Stryker was fine. No heart irregularities, nothing. Just a burn mark and bad - or good -- luck, depending on your chair.

The ride home consisted of Litany of Error on Scarlett's part (Mom! Did you notice that Maddie forgot to jump up and sing in Goatherd and that Leisl said '' when she should've said 'new mother'?") and hysteria over Stryker (OMIGOD does he have SCARS from the heart test?!!).

When the Matron arrived home at the convenient hour of 11:10 pm, Stryker was in the living room in a certifiable state of post-traumatic stress.

Stryker: "I am numb. I can't believe that happened to me. Let me tell you about this again. Please?" He stumbled around the house like a WWII vet, inquiring after Tylenol. John wasn't even home because he was outside searching the neighborhood for? Who else!! Satan's Familiar.

So the Matron works on all that teeth-brushing, snack-eating rigamarole required to get the traumatized children to bed (Scarlett because of Litany of Error and simple proximity to Stryker) while John trudges through the 'hood for S.F. and as midnight approaches?

The phone rings.

Merrick wants to come home.

As she drove across town to pick up her third child very very early this morning, leaving behind the grilled son and chest-clutching, over-wrought daughter, the Matron very briefly wondered how the night could pack in more fun-- just before running out of gas two blocks from the station.

At least she had a gas can. And everyone was asleep before 2 am.

31 comments:

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

What a traumatic night!! I hope y'all have had your share of drama for the holidays... but, I suspect that may not be the case!

Rima said...

Matron, it would seem that your life is the very embodiment of the term, "truth is stranger than fiction."

I'm glad Stryker is OK.

smalltownmom said...

My jaw progressively dropped as I read this post. So I have advised Ernest to pick up only one electronic device at a time. Shouldn't be a problem... He has been glued to WoW all weekend. I've moved the remotes away from his body.

Cherish said...

Wow, simply wow.

standing still said...

I can't wait to meet you in the live and in person, because, really, I've only seen movies about people who have a life like you. Holy hell.

SUEB0B said...

Holy cow. You guys know how to party. I don't know if I could take such an action-packed evening.

K. said...

I would be tempted to accuse you of making it all up, but a story this crazy has got to be real.

I - um - hope the rest of the weekend is - uh - restful?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You are made of steel. I am convinced of it.

JCK said...

Oh, that is horrifying. You could NOT make this amazing tale up. Did SF ever return??

Professor J said...

What a night! I'm glad everyone survived!

Minnesota Matron said...

For the record: the Matron will say she wishes she made this one up. Not.

Minnesota Matron said...

Oh yes - Satan's Familiar was home when the Matron returned with Merrick. Whew! Or, too bad?

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

If it were anyone but you, I wouldn't believe it.

Jennifer H said...

Oh my. You had me at electrocuted.

kmkat said...

I have a sign over my desk that says, "All of life's big problems include the words 'inoperable' or 'indictment'. Everything else is small stuff." I might include "electrocuted" in that short list.

Sure glad everyone is okay.

Nora Bee said...

What a night.

Heather said...

You make me so thankful for my boring life.

Balou said...

Wow! I bet you'll appreciate the boring, uneventful Friday nights a bit more after this one! Glad all ended well.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

Your life's full of drama. Thank goodness Stryker is okay, you would have reported this incident quite differently if he hadn't been. Do you ever wonder where Scarlett gets the theatrics from? It must be quite intensive at your house. I hope you had a very peaceful day afterwards.

Mary Alice said...

Oh dear. I hope you are sleeping in today. So sorry and I am beginning to think too much Thanksgving break isn't good for anyone.

Jason, as himself said...

Holy cow! When it rains, it pours!

I'm glad everyone is okay, though, and that everyone was in bed by 2.

A read at Minnesota Matron's blog is always an interesting one, that's for sure!

former minnesota maiden said...

Thanks for this entry! When I need a day brightener I turn to the Matron knowing that even if her topic is not funny, her writing is truly spectacular! Today she is funny and spectacular!

Ree said...

Oh mah holy hell girlfriend. You crack me up even in the face of all of that!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Electrocution is one thing we've never had happen, thank goodness. You need to make a public service announcement--iPods, electric guitars and amps are in constant simultaneous use around here.

Maybe everyone should just stay in bed today.

Angie said...

You did NOT run out of gas?! Unbelievable - I'm with Marti - I can't wait to meet you in person!

One more Thanksgiving vacation down - what will the next one bring?!

Congrats to Scarlett and her play - I'm sure it's wonderful - flub-ups and all:)

phd in yogurtry said...

I think I'd take an electrocution over an empty gas can -- poor you!

I had no idea one could get elotrocuted being "plugged into too many electronics" (as we call it around here).

Swistle said...

I'm with your daughter: OMG! OMG!

Daisy said...

OMG. I had a rough day yesterday, including a long drive in a terrible snowstorm and a teenager having an autistic meltdown in the passenger seat, but it's nothing compared to your night. I hope you get a break soon: all of you!!

distracted by shiny objects said...

I've not been reading your blog for too long of a time, but I am seriously thinking that this book may need to be in your purse.

The Official Pocket Medical Survival Manual.
At.All.Times.:>)

Tracy said...

oh my, what a night!!
glad everything has worked out.

Julie said...

I think what is so wonderful about this post is that it's ALL TRUE. You are my hero...I'm exhausted from all the drama and I'm just reading about it. I'm glad Stryker is okay!