Last Night's Three Ring Circus, Involving Hospitals and Electrocutions

Now that she sees that post title, she thinks that sort of says it all.

But for those who need details . . . .

At 6ish, the Matron was driving Scarlett to The Sound of Music in Hudson when she got this call from home:

John: "Mary? I think Stryker has been slightly electrocuted. Should I take him to the ER?"

Matron: "Slightly electrocuted? What do you mean SLIGHTLY electrocuted? There is no such thing as slightly electrocuted!! Is he breathing?"

Stryker took the phone: "Mom? Something is wrong with me. I have a burn mark where the current went into me, my left shoulder really hurts and I can't move the fingers on my right hand. What should I do?"

The fact that the Matron was the only person not at the scene of what appeared to be a bona fide emergency, but seemed to be making the decisions regarding that emergency nonetheless, was not lost on her. Still. She sent those men to the ER (thanking God-Buddha-Oprah-Allah she was not the one making that trip again). Merrick's best friend and future husband was summoned and Merrick headed off for a sleepover so that the guys could bond at the ER, unfettered.

Turns out that Stryker had been in at a friend's house when he touched several electronic items simultaneously. He was wearing headphones and had on his gangly person one iPod and one cell phone. So loaded, with one hand firmly gripping the metal strings of an electric guitar, he picked up an iPod that had a little piece of metal sticking out of it--making contact by gripping firmly on the metal.

The boys guess the current blazed through her son for about 15 seconds. Guess, as in retrospect, because while Stryker was "screaming at the top of his lungs," the boys stared at him, wondering why their friend was suddenly hysterical. For his part, Stryker reports feeling disembodied, watching himself from the outside looking in, zapped, screaming, and immobile. Because he could not move his hand to shake off the iPod, he finally twisted and jerked and spun his torso, flinging away the offending item.

So the Matron and Scarlett get the scoop about Stryker's paralyzed digits and throbbing limbs, just as Scarlett is getting dropped off at The Sound of Music. To say this child was hysterical is an understatment. She crawled from the car (again) to the front door of the Phipps, screaming about her brother.

The Matron was, frankly, not quite so concerned. Sure, the child had been thoroughly electrified, but aren't the best burgers charcoaled and blackened? Plus, being on your feet an hour later, reporting, seemed like a good sign.

So she didn't rush back because she had purchased a ticket to SEE that show for the second time. Unlike a some parents (ahem) she will not be seeing her daughter prance about for 8 of 12 performances. Two feels just about right.

While Stryker was being all cooed over and EKGed, the Matron enjoyed another 2.5 hours of various sounds of music. But! This last weekend? After a full week off? The von Trapp children made all kinds of mistakes. All of them. Including, for the first time in 2 1/2 years onstage, her daughter.

Little Marta decided to ask to stay and taste her first chamagne instead of taking leave as the seven year old was supposed to.

After LOUDLY and confidently singing the wrong line, Scarlett's face flashed one split second of confusion and then? That von Trapp smile immediately plastered itself onto her winning face and she rode out the show, perfect. Gretl similarly flubbed, as did Liesl and Brigitte.

Lines were dropped, cues missed. Maria? Lost her voice! The woman who played Maria croaked this to the Matron after the show: "I feel terrible! I've had a cold for 5 weeks but this is the first time the show just wasn't the same."

The best part was that the Matron learned all this after the show. Yes, she noticed the big trips, but the rest were all self-reported by the actors. The audience sucked up every second and gave the cast a standing ovation. Heartfelt!

Also, during intermission, the Matron found John leaving the ER and learned Stryker was fine. No heart irregularities, nothing. Just a burn mark and bad - or good -- luck, depending on your chair.

The ride home consisted of Litany of Error on Scarlett's part (Mom! Did you notice that Maddie forgot to jump up and sing in Goatherd and that Leisl said '' when she should've said 'new mother'?") and hysteria over Stryker (OMIGOD does he have SCARS from the heart test?!!).

When the Matron arrived home at the convenient hour of 11:10 pm, Stryker was in the living room in a certifiable state of post-traumatic stress.

Stryker: "I am numb. I can't believe that happened to me. Let me tell you about this again. Please?" He stumbled around the house like a WWII vet, inquiring after Tylenol. John wasn't even home because he was outside searching the neighborhood for? Who else!! Satan's Familiar.

So the Matron works on all that teeth-brushing, snack-eating rigamarole required to get the traumatized children to bed (Scarlett because of Litany of Error and simple proximity to Stryker) while John trudges through the 'hood for S.F. and as midnight approaches?

The phone rings.

Merrick wants to come home.

As she drove across town to pick up her third child very very early this morning, leaving behind the grilled son and chest-clutching, over-wrought daughter, the Matron very briefly wondered how the night could pack in more fun-- just before running out of gas two blocks from the station.

At least she had a gas can. And everyone was asleep before 2 am.