Thursday, September 25, 2008

Straightlining, Cash

That would be: a visit to the Veterinarian. Jekyll and Satan's Familiar go to the 90210 version of veterinary care. High end, coddle and coo, all that. Which comes with a price tag. This clinic is right across the street from John's office and two blocks from the younger kids' school, so convenience matches cost, dollar for dollar.

But sometimes? Consider today, when the Matron took in the two doggies for their annuals. Now, Satan's Familiar is (alas) just two years old. Jekyll? Nearly 16. He is deaf, blind, senile and sometimes tries to hump the footstool, which impresses John.

Veterinarian: "Mary, would you like to shampoo both dogs in a hypoallergenic formula for approximately $233.98 dollars apiece?"

Matron: "No, thank you."

Veterinarian: "How about that chronic itch with Scruffy? His skin looks a little red. Should we test for wheat and dairy allergies? Maybe egg? Better yet, consult the allergist?"

Matron: "Uh, how much is that?"

Vet: "$173.79. Plus tax"

Matron, considered that Satan's Familiar ate an entire bag of fortune cookies, four hard-boiled eggs and one abandoned bowl of ice cream just yesterday with no visible adverse results: "We'll pass."

Veterinarian: "Scruffy's teeth should be cleaned. That's $222.45. What do you think?"

Matron: "Will they get dirty again?"

Small uncomfortable capitalist pause, sort of like the entire nation is currently experiencing.

Matron: "Just kidding! Actually, we'll wait a couple more years. Are we done with the wish list?" (she actually didn't say that but oh that thought crossed her mind)

Veterinarian: "How about Jekyll? I think we should do a full blood panel, considering his age and current inability to see, hear, or hobble more than a few yards. That will be $256.44."

Matron: "What will that assess?"

Veterinarian: "That test shows us if there's anything on the horizon, any health concerns ahead."

Matron: "You mean, like death?"

And with that, she was done.

18 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

"and sometimes tries to hump the footstool, which impresses John"

I think we just found Student X's thesis statement.

Anonymous said...

How much did it cost?

Heather said...

Sounds like me when I take the cat to the vet. They want to do all these tests to see if (basically) she's getting old. Um, yeah she is. Will they pay me for my diagnosis?

Jason said...

Yes, raising dogs is WAY more expensive than raising kids.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

You hard-hearted woman, you!

Erin said...

Please come to the vet with me the next time I have to take the dog! It's a sad commentary that our pets receive better health care than many people.

JCK said...

Oh...YEEEES, I've been to that vet's office. It's mobile. Here in S. California a month ago...

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

The vet is just like dance classes with the extra options!

Ree said...

Oh snort.

Wait, they didn't try to sell you the raw food diet that costs more than you spend at the grocery store for a family of four every week?

You got off easy.

Frugal Finds said...

Great post.. this is how I feel at the vet most of the time too!!!

Becky said...

I need you to coach me through my beagle's next checkup. At the last one, they sold me a full thyroid workup for this dog, because she is chubby. Her thyroid function is fine, and she's not THAT chubby, thank you very much!

phd in yogurtry said...

Just.say.no. We take our dog to a vet who is old school. He thinks all of these new fangled medical recommends are ridiculous. But then, his wife inherited acres and acres of prime real estate.

mommeeof9 said...

When our previous dog fell and injured his back, becoming paralized from the chest back, we truly asked all the hard questiond. Is there any treatment that could improve his quality of life? What will it cost? How sure are you that it will work?

Bottom line- If we took him to UVA veterinary clinic-2 hours away and paid $1000+ for experimental surgery, he would be in less pain, but unable to walk again. There was no way I could carry an 80 pound dog outside several times a day. Though we hated to do it, we had him put to sleep.

Our current dog is not smart enough to go into his dog house to get out of the rain. He loves the kids, is very tolerant, but dumb. He gets his yearly check up and shots and flea meds for the summer months. Same goes for the cat. They get boring purina or a similar food.

Minnesota Matron said...

Oh! Love to hear about other people, pet and vets! Especially the paralyzed dog-- we went through something similar with ours, who we also ending up putting down. Terrible, terrible.

Jocelyn said...

It's exactly like going in for a quicky oil change and being told, in quick order, that you need a new fan belt.

Um, is there something on a car called a "fan belt"?

another mary said...

Mary,
In case you're interested, Dr. Goodell at Fort Road Animal Clinic. He is so kind and good with animals and would never push any unnecessary treatment. We love him (and so do Edmund and Chauncey).

Cha Cha said...

Oh, thank you! Geriatric Poodle's fancypants holistic vet also asks me all sorts of expensive questions. While I'm focusing on not laughing at her explaination of kidney ying, kidney yang and kidney essence, I also feel guilty for thinking about the bottom line and the end of the line. Thanks for voicing that and making me laugh.

Julie said...

I'm so jealous of your ability to stand firm with the vet! My God, the price for a BATH was outrageous!