Monday, August 25, 2008

401st Post

Hot damn, if the Matron isn't prolific! Or an egomaniac? Certifiable? Well.. . . let's just say she can't stop talking!

This morning, Stage Mother was preparing to post, only to notice that yesterday's ditty on dharma was the Matron's 400th post! The blog was born in late September 2007 and this little engine sure could, it would appear!!

The Matron is crunching those mixed metaphors, sorta like lunch. See how she just tossed one more into the mix? Stage Mother will have to wait for tomorrow but there's a new show for the child and no doubt, good dish to be had by all!

Today, she's giving herself a rest and reposting one of her favorites, written before her third person self was fully realized. The only other thing that's changed? Those online relationships that seemed tentative then? They're real -- and mean much to her.

Thank you SOOO much for putting up with her nonsense!


200th Post

I had lunch with a friend yesterday.

As in a member of the Top Five Friends, the first you call on the days corporeal punishment sounds, well, reasonable or when you buy that $188 purse at ValuThrift for $7.49.

Me: "Tomorrow will be my 200th post."

Friend: "What?"

Me: "Blog post. I started with four weenie ones in September and I'm up to 200."

Friend: "I always forget about that blog."

Me (!): "You're kidding. I thought you read every day."

Friend: "Actually, I talk to you every day. Why would I read the blog?"

Me: "Because I'm writing it? It's good?"

Friend: "Actually, I like you better in real life."

Me (umbrage, taken!): "How could you! No you don't."

Friend: "Yes, I really do."

Me: "You can't possibly."

Friend: "You're wrong. I like you better, here."

Me: "But I'm funny on the blog."

Friend: "You're funny in real life, too."

Me: "I am not!."

Friend (sigh): "Yes, you are."

Me: "But I'm funny in a more thoughtful, well-done way on the blog."

Friend: "Actually, you're quick as a whip in real life. "

Me: "Now you're hurting my feelings."

Friend: "Sorry, but I prefer the real deal to the blog."

Me: "But I offer interesting political commentary on the blog. Gender stuff, too."

Friend: "Mary, you are Commentary, incarnate. In real life. You're just like that."

Me: "Oh my God. I can't believe you're saying this about my blog."

Friend: "I'm saying this about you."

Me: "But my blog is climbing in numbers! In just four months of steady postings I have hundreds of readers!

Friend: "Do they pay you?"

Me: "Of course not!"

Friend: "Are these relationships? If their kids showed up at your doorstep, do you know what to feed them? Tampax or Kotex? Which bathroom in their house is for public use and which strictly off limits?"

Me: "I know them through comments. There are kids' names involved, like Nature Girl and Boy G. Mr. T and Mr. G. Wild Child. See?"

Friend: "Hmmmm."

Me: "They put my name on their blogrolls: Minnesota Matron."

Friend: "That's not your name."

Me: "Yes, it is. And it looks good sitting up there for everyone to see, all shiny and taut: Minnesota Matron."

Friend: "You like being the center of attention."

Me: "I do not!"

Friend: "Who are we talking about?"

Me: "But I wish you preferred the blog."

Friend: "Center. Of. Attention."

Me: "Oh my God. I'm so sorry! Let's talk about you."

Friend: "Sweetie, you're always the center of attention. That's okay."

Me: "Thank God. I was getting worried, you hating my blog and all."

Friend: "Mary, the internet was created specifically for your blog. Online creativity can now take a rest. Can we order now?"

Me: "You like the blog--better? Prefer it to me in real life?"

Friend: "At this moment, yes. Very much so."

Me: "Thank you. Lemon grass soup?"


SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I have the opposite problem. Friends and acquaintances always seem vaguely disappointed to be associating with the real, unedited me. But they love my blog. Don't know what to make of that, really...

Anonymous said...

Congrats dear Matron, I remember that post well, strangely I was thinking about it the other day. Here's to the next 400, and 1.

Memarie Lane said...

I've always been kinda hurt that I can't seem to get anyone I know IRL outside my immediate family to read my blog. I guess I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's because I'm even better IRL. :P

Lynda said...

Your friend sounds like a hoot, too. Did you ever get her to read??

Lisa Milton said...

It's hard to believe that was 200 posts ago...

Ree said...

I remember that one - and I loved it then and now.

Congratulations on 401.

SUEB0B said...

Congrats. I enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

Keep them coming. I like you both blog and real.

Stephanie S.

Julie said...

That's hilarious! Congratulations!

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