Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Matron and The Youngster

Recently, the Matron walked into a bagel shop.

Sweet Young Thing Behind the Counter: "Can I help you? Oh! I really like that skirt! It's great."

Matron (taking a peek, because memory, it is that spotty): "Thank you. My goodness! I've had this skirt since 1984!"

At this point, diverging realities emerge.

Here's the conversation that should have transpired:


Sweet Young Thing Behind the Counter: "You fit into something you bought over 20 years ago? Oh my God. That's amazing."

Matron: "Yes, it is, isn't it."

SYTCB: "But you don't have children, right?"

Matron (enjoying herself immensely): "Three! I have three children and they all weighed well over 8 pounds. The last one . . . " Here, the Matron pauses for dramatic effect. "The last one weighed nearly 10 pounds!"

SYTCB: "Wow. That's amazing."

Matron: "Let's not forget about those laundering skills, too."

That conversation did not take place. Instead, Sweet Young Thing Behind the Counter shrieked this:

OH MY GOD! Your skirt is older than I am!"

And the Matron had no reply.

27 comments:

Lisa Milton said...

1984! Wow, you amaze me.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

In the words of Joy Behar, "Bitch!"

Domestically Challenged said...

Boy, she obviously didn't engage her brain before opening her mouth!

Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese!

Melissa said...

Oh yeah. Somehow I saw that coming.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I am so sorry...I liked the (very) imaginary conversation, though.

Heather said...

That's just wrong.

hippyhappyhay said...

OH. K shelve the real version and we will all go with yours. xxxx

laurie said...

ah, these young folks. so self centered!

Jocelyn said...

So's the hand that could've given her a slap.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

LOL!!! ahhhh... that bitch. LOL!!

Sweet Irene said...

She wasn't such a sweet young thing then, was she? She was more of a dumb young thing and had probably not been out in polite company very much. She may never grow into true adulthood and always screech, "Oh, my God!"

Anonymous said...

It's a really telling anecdote, and a perfect example of how generous we are in not using sharp objects on sweet (dumb) young things.
Retail talk: One of my own favorites is asking to leave a comment (to her manager) re good service from a SYT who's been helpful, only to hear, "Oh, NO PROBLEM!

Nancy Dancehall said...

She didn't! Diaper poisoning has obviously affecter her mind.

Mrs. G. said...

Well, she might not have been impressed that your ass would fit into a happening skirt that is TWENTY-FOUR-YEARS-OLD, but I sure am. Day-um.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

This scenario won't be making the evening news, will it? "Big mouthed twenty something taken out by fashionable woman wielding bagel knife"?

kate5kiwis said...

bwahahahahaha
but i had a similar thing on facebook the other day:
writing a friend profile, i ventured:
*when kate knew (insert name) television was called books*
(which is a quote out of The Princess Bride, the best movie of all time)
and my *friend* countered with:
*when kate knew (insert name), books were called scrolls*
yep yep yep X

K. said...

But she did then have a hilarious blog post to share.

Cheri said...

*sigh*

I mentioned a character from Welcome Back Kotter to the guy checking my groceries today and he stared at my blankly.

She She said...

Sweet Young Thing will have her day on the other side of the counter. And when she does, maybe she'll remember you and your fabulous skirt.

Angie said...

This made me laugh so hard, I had to read it out loud to my husband for him to enjoy - and he did!

Thank you for this today, my 40th birthday!

Anonymous said...

In the haughty arrogance of my youth, my Grandmother would frequently say:

"Where you are, I once was, and where I am, you will soon be."

Oscar Wilde had it right. It is always wasted on the owners.

Sherry ~ Cherie ~ ms. herbes de provence said...

Oh I so hear you!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh -- I needed that tonight!!!

Amy said...

Reminds me of a discussion I had with a barista at a coffee shop; we were talking about Star Wars, and he said how cool it was to have seen it in the theaters. Of course it came out that he'd seen it, as a young child, many years after its initial release, while I'd seen it as an adult on its first run. I could feel myself aging through his eyes.

sozzled said...

and then you killed her?

(sozzled who read your comment on my post and wondered about your reference to "the manor"? and considered where I had consumed large amts of alcohol in your (assumed) city based on your email address...before I realized you were referring to Derwad Manor and not were not someone I met irl and was too drunk to remember ;-) although I am always open to that opportunity !

dkuroiwa said...

...and this is why I tend to not associate with people under the age of 25 unless they are behind a register or taking my order or filling up my car with gas and cleaning the windshield (yes, we have full service here!)!!!

Good for you 1)for being able to wear something you've had for that long and 2) for knowing, at such a young age, how to buy something of good quality to last such a long time!

Karen said...

Wait...you fit in a skirt you've had since 84?...and you've given birth to three children?...I'm torn between admiration and hair-pulling jealousy...I think the hair-pulling jealousy is winning out...

Kimberly said...

HA! LOVE the imaginary scenario.

For the record, I am in awe of your skirt-preservation abilities, as well as the fact that you have maintained the same size for over 2 decades! Go you!