Thursday, February 7, 2008

Coleslaw: The New Crack

For dinner last night, I ate one beef hot dog (made from antibiotic-free cow that spent unbound life frolicking on Otis Family Farm before being heartlessly slaughtered for my pleasure) and a bucket of coleslaw.

Some sit down and devour a pint of ice cream. When I was pregnant with Stryker, I once at an entire roasted chicken during the drive home from the grocery store--yes, John was driving. He still marvels at the amazing magical powers of the pregnant woman.

But this is different.

I fell hard for Mississippi Market's coleslaw. Love at first sniff! This is no ordinary slaw, no pedestrian slather of mayo and chemical goo. Mayonnaise doesn't even top the list of ingredients--here we have cabbage, carrot, onion. Apple cider vinegar, pepper, sea salt.

Who can explain? It's some karmic constellation that's imprisoned me.

This is the new physiology of my marriage. Me, calling John on his cell: "How's your day going, sweetie?"

John: "I'm not going to Mississippi Market."

Me (offense, taken!): "I actually called just to say hi."

John: "I'm not in St. Paul. I'm in the suburbs. . . . uh, Golden Valley."

Me: "No you're not."

John: "I'm not going to that store again. We go every single day."

Me: "I hear footsteps. You're at the office."

John: "We go every day."

Me: "But you're four blocks away! That's why we go every day."

John: "No, that's how. Why is different."

Me: "Why is we like our coleslaw fresh and creamy. It makes the household happier, if you know what I mean."

John (with zero joy): "Fine. I'll do it."

Not even cost matters. Last night's bucket set me back nearly 10 dollars! You heard that. At my natural foods store, the fine organic ingredients are first doused in Holy Water and then blessed by the Dalai Lama. In Paris.

Cabbage for the cost of a bottle of wine? I told you: the situation is serious.

Today, I went to Mississippi Market for more. The cashier who had rung through my groceries the day before had no one in her line. I hesitated. What if she recognized me? Suspected my weakenss?

But, there's that perpetual hurry in which I live - children to be picked up and duties done. Reason prevailed--it's just coleslaw, after all. This is legal! All these people--why would she even remember me?

And as the cashier slid my stash across that electronic register, she arched an eyebrow, just so--nuance, knowledge, depth and pity--and said: "We really like our coleslaw, don't we?"


Suburban Correspondent said...

I love a good cole slaw myself. Not the ones that are too mayonaissey either - some mayo, a lot of vinegar - yum.

Mrs. G. said...


I want the recipe.

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Um, duh! Yes, we really do.

(I haven't found any vegan ones I like so I'm making my own. MMmmm.)

Angie said...

Know it all cashiers.....they've obviously never 'jonesed' over foodstuff before.

Now, I'm going to have to trek my ass over to the cities and go to Mississippi. Hey, my husband works in Bayport - maybe I'll make him go!

Thanks for the tip.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Do they ship?

Liv said...

that sounds like heaven. on a barbecue sandwich heaven.

Anonymous said...

LOL! MM that was h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s!
I, too, am picky about my slaw, though I don't think it's ever been blessed.....hmmm, I must be missing out ;)

Nora said...

A good cole slaw is like no other, and totally worth the trip. Now I'm hungry.

skatey katie said...

blessed, in PARIS???? when you work out shipping to jen, can ya cost the shipping down under?
merci beaucoup mon amie X

Karen said...

You're looking at it the wrong way--it's ONLY ten bucks for a bucket of happiness. AND, it's so easy to get it.

This is a good thing!

Susan Carlin said...

I'm here by way of Laura and Professor J.. and found the terrific photo of your son with the feral cat on the right sidebar. Couldn't figure out a way to send an email to you, so hope it's ok to ask you here: I'm wondering if you might let me use the original, larger resolution photo as a reference for a painting. Email me? Thanks!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I think it's great that your vice is sort of healthy. Funny, I bet that cashier never says a word to the guy checking out with a case of beer or the woman with a case of Diet Cola. Love your coleslaw. Or as we referred to it in my waitressing days, "slaw."

Heather said...

Wow, that must be some killer slaw. I'm going to have to check it out next time I'm up there. Mississippi Market in St. Paul eh?

Although a local butcher shop/market has some awfully tasty chicken salad down here in Rochester. Mmmmmm. Great. Now I want some.

Liz said...

Thanks for the post about our coleslaw! It's hilarious! We're late reading it, but linked our website to it anyways.

sexy said...