Friday, January 11, 2008


Uterine Tracking Devices.

We girls have 'em. Scarlett and I can locate anything in this house. Need a mitten, a book, an earring? No problem.

The three people with penises stand around and drool. "Where's my sword?" Merrick always loses the weapon. Scarlett remembers: it's in the family room, under the couch. She just saw it!

"Mom! Someone stole my book!" Stryker assumes Evil afoot. Oh, it's right here on the kitchen table. Stupid. (but I don't say that because he will remember the Stupid in gestalt therapy when he's older). But I'm standing by the table and the book is actually jumping up and screaming at me. Funny how he can't see that.

But the best is John. When he leaves for work, I don't lock the door. Five days out of seven, he's back within ten minutes. "Oh my God - have you seen (fill in the blank)?? I totally spaced that out."

Can't find it AND forgot he needed it in the first place.

Many days, I am waiting at the door. There are no phone calls, no queries. I see said item (hmmm -- wouldn't he need office keys? wallet? cell phone? or briefcase?) and stand ready for the hand-off.

And he's always surprised that I am one step (ahem) ahead of him.

Thanks bipolarlawyer for reminding me of how darn righteous we women are--and to my friend Jennifer for coining the phrase!!


Tracy said...

It's funny that you talk about this. I just got back from dinner where I was having a similar discussion with a friend. I was telling her about my son's girlfriend, and what a difference it is to spend time with a young girl (they are both 20 years old), having raised only my son and dealing with all that goes along with a boy who loses keys, gloves, wallets, iPods, GameBoys, etc etc.

My mother had told me (after raising three girls and one boy) that it was completely different having girls around. And it was proven to me a couple weeks ago when I announced to my son and his girlfriend in the car "Please don't let me forget the bag I'm going to put in the refrigerator when we head home. I cannot leave without it!!" A few hours later, when we were leaving, and I was half way out the door, his girlfriend said "Don't forget your bag in the refrigerator!" which I would have completely left without. Of course, my son was already out the door and probably still wouldn't have thought of it.

It was such a pleasure to have someone around who actually thinks. I hope he marries her. Several years from now, of course.

iguana banana said...

I agree. My poor husband is absolutely inept at finding anything, and it gets worse the closer he actually is to the object. C'est la vie and Viva la femme!
BTW - I also live in St.Paul, MN and tie my apron strings to 3 small children. Interestingly, I also vacationed in Bemidji. In August. Hmmm. Next time, we could car pool. Or just trade kids for the duration of the road trip. :-)
I enjoyed your conversation at Derfwad Manor. (That's how I found you.)
I'm looking forward to reading some of your older blogs.

iguana banana said...

OK I must know you! After more searching, I see that your daughter is an actor, and has worked at the Guthrie. I have a dear friend working in the costume shop, and many others on stage (I am an actor and a theater teacher - go figure!)
Also, I read on Scarlett's page on the Guthrie website that she attends J.J. Hill - my middle daughter is a kindergarten student there in Leslie Nelson's class. I must know you... Do I?

sh8un said...

Aaah, the chorus of the self-righteous! tracy seems to have conveniently forgotten (is that possible?) that she's the one who had forgotten the bag in the fridge! But the son gets the blame.

TomM said...

I'll never forget the time my 3-4 year old son told me, "Dad sometimes you're a loser." As I paused to digest that, with a gulp, he added, "but sometimes you're a finder." So, see? I have come in on the other side of the equation from time to time. I don't rember what it was I actually found. Doesn't happen *that* much.

Mary said...

Well, well: Iguana, I will look you up. My kids aren't in Leslie's room but I have a four -year old in Cathie Duncan's. We must know a million people in common -- Scarlett made lots of friends while working there. They were wonderful to her.

And boys: sorry. The UTD a Truth.

Angie said...

My husband leaves at 4 a.m. and locks the door behind him. After having to get out of bed several days in a row, I told him to just leave the frickin' door open, I'll take my chances on being killed over having to let him back in to get whatever he forgot!

Tracy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracy said...

No "blame."

No "self-righteousness."

Just a funny story. Not sure how it got turned around.

I ADORE my son. While he was very absent-minded when he was younger, I have to give him credit for growing up quite a bit the last few years. Which works out really well, because now I seem to be losing my mind.

But no. No blame.

Minnesota Matron said...

Just to clear up any confusion because I know sh8un in the real world: and he is teasing, making light, truly. There was no self-righteousness intended, I'm sure. If you give this guy a gendered bone to chew, he's gonna chew it. In a good way, if that makes sense.

And I hope to land caring sweet daughter-in-laws myself, when my boys are much, much (ahem) much older too. One of mine is still four!!

Kimberly said...

My husband is THE WORST about this. He can be staring right at something and swear he can't find it.

sh8un said...

Thanks for defending me Mary. I certainly didn't mean to offend your readership, especially after all the wonderful male stereotypes :-)