We're in the van and my guy is in prime form.
Stryker farts the alphabet, burps The Star Spangled Banner. Wisdom bestowed to his four year-old brother? "When you swear, timing is everything." Good thing he had a few juicy examples to spell that out.
He picks up something hard and brown from the floor and offers to eat it for twenty dollars.
At a red light, he opens his window and yells loudly--authentically: "Help! The alien family has me! Call 911!"
At which point, he leans back and says (fondly, disparagingly, wryly), "Somebody disown me, please."