I Am Expensive

Tomorrow I am getting my shiny white new movie star teeth.

Before anyone gets too excited, I need these teeth. Toothlessness is an undesirable state and I lost many of my front teeth, slowly, over the years, after first knocking myself silly during some gymnastic show as a child. I crashed into another gymnast: she got a concussion and I got teeth in my nose. Literally.

Knowing that two of the teeth needed to be replaced soon, I thought: why pay $900 a tooth for one yellow tooth at a time? How about doing it all at once and going for that peroxide white?

Believe me, when you look at these teeth you'll know they're fake! For $4000, I'm getting the blinders.

Tomorrow's the big day! I may break the matronly invisibility barrier and post before and after pictures.

Oh, and for those of you pondering that $4000 figure: seem pretty cheap for a row of white teeth and an implant or two? The cosmetic dentist wanted ten grand. My regular old dentist shook his head and said, "We're not that kind of office. Trust me to give it a try?"

If he demands my firstborn child, I may go with that additional fee, too. See coming post.

And yes, I'll get to the coat on fire, too. So much pathology, so little time.