Earlier today, she went and spent (oh, a small portion of retirement and college) a tidy sum, on craft, costume and food for the backyard theater her family is producing.
All innocence and purpose, she blithely walked through the supermarket in search of this:
Clearly, she had not been in a store for a very very long time. Because she could not locate "America's Favorite Cookie." No sirreeee. . .. Instead, she stumbled, slack-jawed and increasingly confused, through this:
White fudge covered Oreo!? The Matron tottered on her fashionable heel. But where was the damn plain old cookie?
Organic Oreo? 
Golden Original? The Bea Arthur cookie? If you have to Google "Bea" you are officially too young for this blog.
Of course. Why not package a fine spring breeze in your product?
Oreo Cakester? Wouldn't that be cake? She realized her math skills weren't up to the task of tallying the ingredients.
Oh, well, thank God there's chocolate Cakesters.
Finally, the Matron settled on the only thing she recognized, which would be this:
America's favorite cookie? More like narrowing down to the Top Ten of 46. Yes, there are 46 kinds of Oreo Cookies.
And increasingly, we get one breed of chicken and the choice between three grain: corn, wheat, rice. Not that she's tracking.
40+ types of Oreo products? And how many varieties of apples were available in the produce section?
ReplyDeleteGo to Costco--it's just the plain Oreo, ma'am!
ReplyDeleteHad a recent, similar experience with Wheat Thins. WTF.
ReplyDelete40...WHY?
ReplyDeleteI bet they all taste roughly the same?
Move to NZ, we only have one kind, and probably one box per store. We are a little behind, but at least we gave women the vote first.
ReplyDeleteAnd white fudge? Mr Music must NEVER read that.
The mini ones are fantastic. You are missing out.
ReplyDeleteI actually like the organic ones, and the stores here don't carry them. They taste the same, they just take three years off your life instead of ten.
ReplyDeleteAwhile back there were coffee creme filled ones (just an aside- every time I see the word "creme" I want to slap someone) and my brother LOVED them. Then they pulled them, and he's been despondent ever since.
Never was an Oreo fan, but I do understand the frustration - overkill!
ReplyDeleteI agree...there's no substitute for original oreos. And those spring ones? Make me want to gag...pastel creme filling--yuk!
ReplyDeleteOrganic oreos? Really? I had no idea. At the risk of being stoned, I actually prefer Chips Ahoy!
ReplyDeleteI've never been able to get on the Oreo bandwagon. Mainly because I think they taste disgusting. That's probably the biggest hurdle.
ReplyDeleteWhat does this mean, I wonder. How horrifying!
ReplyDeleteHoly smokes! Are you kidding me? I did not have to Google Bea-she will always be Maude to me.
ReplyDeleteit's like a nuclear bomb went off in the oreo factory and now there are 40 mutant oreo types running around.
ReplyDeleteOreo Cakester? What the hell is that? Have I been living under a rock? Hmmm. Oreos sound yummy right now, but not worth the search, I'd say:)
ReplyDelete